you think you're awesome. you're shit.

I haven't blogged in ages. Just i kinda don't have the balls to write how i feel anymore. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. Naw i'm not saying that to get sympathy even, i'm saying it cause it's true. I have a boyfriend yet i spend time on here blogging about other guys? That's why i haven't been on tbh. I don't want to blog about other guys.
I did Race for Life yesterday. 38 mins and just under 30 seconds. Meh. I feel ashamed because i didn't beat my last score. And last time i was running for Ewan. And i can't beat his fucking score for my own nan and my best mate. I felt so so shit when i realised. lol Ewan wasn't even fucking real fae gods sakeeeeeee.
I did my first proper performance at college the other day. Success by Nick Drake. I was Kid, i was pushed around in a trolley all the time. I was a freak who knew everything about everyone. I kinda wish i was like that. I wouldn't mind. Knowing. But then maybe life would be boring. I just dunnoooo.... help me? >_< x

I'm so fucking confused. Lol he told me that he likes me like that. And that he would if he could. Take me to bed that is. And i cannae mention who /he/ is for various reasons. Ugh. This is so shit. Why does he have a girlfriend ._. why am /i/ such a bad girlfriend? My heads just everywhere atm.

.__________.

So I open my email inbox.
And there is is.
An email from Ewan.
My heart's going at like 90 x the speed it should.
I open it.


...It's a link to a virus.

I have a job. Just sayin'

Yep. I have a job. A job xD!
Work up this morning, went on DirectGov <- best job site ever, tbh.
Job ad going fae Sales Assisant at Card Factory.
Well, blates i got it. I start next Friday.
Lol it's so weird, i've /never/ had a job.. Yet here i am, employed fae the first time n_n
mm. Met Jordan in town aswell. We went for a hot chocolate, reminissed old times a bit.
I pure love that boyyy. <3

''Your hair is very hairy.''

Haw Haw Haw. I'm going tae write a book. At some point. When i can be fecking arseddd. Uh. Didn't go to college today. I woke up and felt like i hadn't slept sinceeee.. well years, tbh. Idk. I'm going to have to take a trip to the doctors at some point. Lol i feel so shit lately. Last night my mum told me (yet again, and fae no reason) that she didn't want me about when 'you know who' comes to collect /my/ dog. She made me feel like a centermetre tall. I wanted to cry. I don't give a toss about him, at all. I have Jordan. And i love Jordan. With all my heart.
<3

yana yatsu

I hate you. I hate everything about you. From your stupid hats. To your fucked up face.
Worst thing is, i don't hate you at all.   .__.
Gah. I just had to ring Kala up to calm me down because i was in tears >_<.
So, i got pissed earlier and hugged Damian again. And then like not so long ago i stole his number just to text him saying sorry about earlier, etc. And he replied with something like ''Good girl. Find yourself a nice fella. I luv u dog pronto. end ov''  So i was like, erhi have one but okay, no need to be so patronising, are you going tae tell my mum? And he just replied saying ''Good girl. Go get em'' so i rang him up. And he sounded fucked. I was like ''are you drunk'' and he was like ''i'm fucking hammered, you'll have to be quick she's upstairs.'' i was like ''who is?'' and he said ''my girlfriend.''
I just felt my heart drop. Like a stone. A fucking anchor. Uh. Well. He said he's not going to tell my mum anyway. And said that i'd be alright. Etc. Fucking. Patronising git. I'm 18. Eighteeeeeeeen. I'm not five. Good girl good girl good girl, fucking hell.
Srsly though i just. hung up and cried. |: ergh i hate men. seriously. I wish he didn't come for the dog every day. Then i wouldn't have to see him. He's such a bastard. He's all different when we're face to face but through text he's like oh no forget about me, kinda thing. >_<
I should focus on Jordan ._. I just can'tttt think atm.
I think i've probably got bipolar. That's what Kalaaaa said. But i think she's right. And i'm gonna like keep all these blogs so in years to come i can look back and see what kinda messed up kid i was.  Pfh.
Oh and. Link to my old blogz which fer some reason i can't get on anymore? but yeah. all part of my childhood.
All importantttt.
http://www.blogger.com/profile/13517154734986843017

Take my hand, we'll hide in the corner, take my hand, we'll hide till it's over.

And then i see him again and my heart goes about a thousand times faster. >_<

I wish i didn't feel this way. Everytime he smiles at me i feel like the only girl alive. ._.